My Identity. . . .

                    My Existence. . . .

Every thing on this earth has an identity. Right from a human being, a tree, an animal, a non-living thing like a clock or a glass also has their own identity. Identity is something for which you are known to be YOU!! Till yesterday I was living with an identity… then what brought a change??

All of a sudden I began doubting my existence; I started believing I had no identity of my own. I felt as if no one was there around me although there were many.

My identity went somewhat like:

There she is his/her daughter.

There comes his/her sister.

There she is… She is his/her friend.

There that girl, yes she is his/her cousin.

There comes she, she is his/her neighbor.

The girl there, she is my relative.

Because my brother doesn’t like me doing a certain things, when he doesn’t like me disobeying him, I feel I am not a Good Sister.

Because there are relatives who ask me to help my mother all the time in her kitchen chores, because I am unable to do that all the time, though my mother never asked me to, I feel I am not a Good Daughter.

Because my friends never feel like talking to me whenever they are in trouble, I feel I am the stupid enough to realize that I always trouble them. I am the one who has to realize that they are not going to be there for me all the time and they have their own life too… And hence I am not a Good friend!!

If I am not a good daughter, not even a good sister and definitely not a good friend… Am I still a good human being??

Where do I stand without my parents?

Or when I am not with my friends?

Am I lost somewhere, from where I can’t come back??

I feel all lost about my existence… I am a daughter, I am a sister, and I am a friend…. But where does that I come from? Who am I as a person? Why am I here? What am I doing?

When you come across such depressing thoughts, I definitely thought about talking to you, but you being busy with your own thoughts, thinking about something you had to take decision about couldn’t understand my situation..

I being the one solely responsible for handling the situation… started meditating for long. But even that didn’t help. I can’t any more handle the situation like this… this is not me…

I am a happy go lucky person with a beautiful smile and not an artificial one…

I have to back to normal very soon.

He is there to look after me but I am the one to form my own identity! This too shall pass away!! He’ll help me find way out of here…….. :) I am just waiting for him to lead!!

Searching myself, my identity which is close by but is just not noticeable.