My Identity. . . .

                    My Existence. . . .

Every thing on this earth has an identity. Right from a human being, a tree, an animal, a non-living thing like a clock or a glass also has their own identity. Identity is something for which you are known to be YOU!! Till yesterday I was living with an identity… then what brought a change??

All of a sudden I began doubting my existence; I started believing I had no identity of my own. I felt as if no one was there around me although there were many.

My identity went somewhat like:

There she is his/her daughter.

There comes his/her sister.

There she is… She is his/her friend.

There that girl, yes she is his/her cousin.

There comes she, she is his/her neighbor.

The girl there, she is my relative.

Because my brother doesn’t like me doing a certain things, when he doesn’t like me disobeying him, I feel I am not a Good Sister.

Because there are relatives who ask me to help my mother all the time in her kitchen chores, because I am unable to do that all the time, though my mother never asked me to, I feel I am not a Good Daughter.

Because my friends never feel like talking to me whenever they are in trouble, I feel I am the stupid enough to realize that I always trouble them. I am the one who has to realize that they are not going to be there for me all the time and they have their own life too… And hence I am not a Good friend!!

If I am not a good daughter, not even a good sister and definitely not a good friend… Am I still a good human being??

Where do I stand without my parents?

Or when I am not with my friends?

Am I lost somewhere, from where I can’t come back??

I feel all lost about my existence… I am a daughter, I am a sister, and I am a friend…. But where does that I come from? Who am I as a person? Why am I here? What am I doing?

When you come across such depressing thoughts, I definitely thought about talking to you, but you being busy with your own thoughts, thinking about something you had to take decision about couldn’t understand my situation..

I being the one solely responsible for handling the situation… started meditating for long. But even that didn’t help. I can’t any more handle the situation like this… this is not me…

I am a happy go lucky person with a beautiful smile and not an artificial one…

I have to back to normal very soon.

He is there to look after me but I am the one to form my own identity! This too shall pass away!! He’ll help me find way out of here…….. :) I am just waiting for him to lead!!

Searching myself, my identity which is close by but is just not noticeable.

Goldie – Part 2……

 “As the grass is greener on the other side” Goldie decided to check out the big pond, she finally started her swim in the cool water of the big pond, not realizing she’ll have to pay for swimming in the big pond! She wanted to experience the new life in the new world with beautiful surroundings, being around people who were broad minded. She started enjoying the initial days there, meeting new fishes, realizing various facts of life, enjoying new things which were exciting and fascinating, feeling the importance of being exposed to various things, etc. But here the things were different. She had nobody who would help or listen her except for a few she selected as her friends.

She was so happy or may be she wanted to show she was quite happy as it was her decision to move on to the big pond.

She kept herself busy with the big pond, so that she didn’t remember the old pond. The people in the old pond didn’t really react to what she had to say and didn’t give her any importance as before. She started belonging to the big pond where she had made a few friends who were priceless for her. But who knew that one day there would be no one for her……

        Here, the ways were too difficult. You had to pass through an examination for each and every step you take. You always feel like having someone there to guide you, feel happy for you when you achieve something, someone you could hold back to, someone to laugh with you, someone to cry with you, someone to read your eyes… Someone who belongs to you!!

        But as they say, you don’t get everything you desire… you have to swim alone, find ways for yourself and get through them!!

So, she is still in search of that someone who accepts her in spite of being unknowledgeable, and not being able to mix along well. She is searching the shark along with right directions to right paths… leading to a right way!

Hope she gets there soon……!