Friday, September 9, 2011


Dear Sweet Friend,
Hope you are doing fine. Cutting out on the formalities, I know you haven’t been fine for a long period now. I have seen you happy at times, but that looks to me as temporary happiness, it hasn’t been that I’ve seen you happy for a long span of time. But that is not why I am writing to you…
I want to share an incident with you, an experience, a thought, a phase, an article and want you to give me your feedback on it…!

I was a little excited about the next day while I went to sleep. As usual I got late to pack up with everything and go to sleep, and had to leave early as to reach in time. I couldn’t sleep properly at night as there were mixed emotions going through me relating different people and also anxiety, curiosity, fear and nervousness were marking their presence at the thought of new life! However its intensity was less than it had been three years ago. I was awake by 7am but was lazy and the cold atmosphere didn’t let me get out of my bed. A door bell rang at 8am in the morning, wondering who it could be; I thought it might be you, may be you remembered and just came to wish me luck… But it wasn’t you! I thought the distance between us that had been growing didn’t let your steps come here, and then I thought maybe you just didn’t remember or might have slipped your mind. I came to such a conclusion, as you had been forgetting about many important dates that were going around when you were still informed about it. I felt hurt whenever such days arrived and you didn’t take notice of those. I don’t blame you for those, as you too can have your problems like work load, or may be family pressure which has constantly been over your head as a torture at times or as a load of responsibilities at times. And you entering into a relation add to a responsibility of your partner’s care too. You have always fulfilled in that as per my knowledge. I see you loving him unconditionally.

To my surprise, you hadn’t forgotten my important day this time, you remembered it, though as usual you didn’t have balance to wish me luck, but that didn’t matter to me, all that mattered was your long message which was meaningful and full of sentiments and emotions. I was happy that my friend was still there. I knew that you’d be always there, but the comfort level had decreased a little, but now just one message that made me confident about not making me lose my friend.
I learnt that relations do face problems, there is never a stable relation throughout; what matters and keeps you bonded is your love for each other. We, humans have a lot of love of each other. It’s just that some people be rude to the outside world because of some experiences or are a little immature about their behavior with elders and strangers. When you see somebody ill-treating an old lady, you feel sympathy towards her, you feel like doing whatever you can for her. This feeling comes out of love. We have lots of love within us even for strangers, just that we have to make ourselves realize about our love to others.

Love wins the World.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

The Kohl. . .

Mike, in his leisure time, loved spending time at a coffee store. He was there at the Star Coffee Shop to have his usual cup of Cappuccino. It was a bright sunny day with temperature soaring higher and higher. He pulled out a handkerchief from the pocket of the jeans he was wearing. While wiping his face, he saw a few black marks on it. While trying to recollect how he had them over it, he remembered…

“Don’t come so close to me. I won’t be able to control myself then”, said the girl.
“I don’t want you to overpower your feelings”
As they came close to each, they had their first hug. The girl had a shivering in her body by now. He held her more tightly so that she couldn’t move. She was the one he had always cared about. She loved him tremendously but he never intended to be in some kind of serious love with her. As he held her little loose, so much that she could move, she gently kissed him on his right cheek which had a new growing green beard on it after one clean shaves it.
“This is my first kiss to you. Do not ever forget it”
“Can I too give you one so that you can remember one too… he asked with a whisper?” (Coming close to her ears)
She removed her hands over him and left her too… she just gave a sweet smile which he loved in her the most…
“Give me your handkerchief”
“Why… I haven’t even kissed you”
“Just give it”
She wiped her kohl with it and said, Whenever you feel the world is against you, just see this and you will come to know that I’ll always be with you and there for you.”

And just then the waiter comes to the table placing the order, “Your coffee, Sir”
Mike thanks him with a smile.
Stirring his coffee with the stirrer, he was again lost to the time when he was with her.
“Arpita” he whispered in her ears when he had first kissed her.
“I am in love with you”
She became blushing red in her cheeks. He could not forget that face of hers.

He had finished his coffee, when he saw something his eyes wouldn’t believe…
It was Arpita with another guy, which might have been his boyfriend or just a friend.
While he was still, staring at her, the waiter dropped the bill at his table. As the waiter moved, their eyes met each other. And Mike looked at her as if he needed her, he still loved her and she found his eyes wanting to tell her something. But she ignored him and got busy with the other guy. Though she couldn’t completely ignore him, she kept giving a glance as to see what he was doing? In a few minutes, as he had paid the bill and waited for the waiter to get him some change, Arpita had noticed the handkerchief with the black marks on it. And she was shocked to see that and believe that Mike was still not out of it. By the time she thought of speaking to him, he took the change and left. After he left, she could hear his voice say, “I like kohl in your eyes, and if you add that with a smile, you look most beautiful.” She had tears in her eyes thinking about the words he had said. She just left the person she had come with and ran out to look for him, to stop her first love and tell him that she had not betrayed him and loved her as much as he did.
Things however had turned bitter between them, though it was Mike’s mistake and he knew it… he felt betrayed because she didn’t wait for him to apologize, and started talking to other guys to make him feel jealous. Though she didn’t have any boyfriend, he felt that she had one immediately after their break up. He had reached the signal that was ahead the corner. Suddenly, the weather changed, it started raining as happens in Hindi movies. She was all wet by the time she reached him. She called him and he turned back.
“I like when you appreciate my eyes with kohl”
He smiled and said, “thank you.”
She went near him to hug him, but he stopped her saying that what was she up to?
She said, “I love you as much as you do or even more than that”
He said, “Perhaps, I don’t love you anymore. You in trying to make me feel jealous have lost respect in my heart.”
I don’t have anybody else in my life but I can’t say yes to you.
‘What was it with the handkerchief then?’
I had loved you Arpita and maybe I still do, but I need to respect the one I love… and you have lost that respect…
I am Sorry!

She was standing there all alone in the rain, making herself realize that little steps lead to big mistakes…

After a few weeks at the same coffee shop,
Arpita was alone and enjoying the Cappuccino just as Mike had liked.
And as she had finished with her cup, was when Mike entered and saw her as she was seated at the same place where he used to. Mike joined her as she was alone. And they casually spoke, he looked into her eyes and she into his.
He then said her, “I still like your eyes with the kohl.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“Why you have got a boyfriend for you?”
“I never had one and you know that.”
“Hey, what if I say, I want you back in my life”
“I was always yours, Mike.”
“But before that I want you to remember the words you said me while giving this handkerchief”
“I remember each and every word, Mike… I am sorry, I promised to be with you all my life even if the world was against the world but I went against you… M sorry…”
“I love you, Arpita... Will you be mine forever?”
“I was yours, and am yours and will always be yours forever”

Friday, March 12, 2010

 24 Hours

           Here I am with a poetry this time to describe what it felt that time and the after effects of it. I may not have been able to portray that scene well, which I will never be able to… But the scenario will be always fresh in my mind…
          Whenever I recollect those moments it comes to me as if it were a movie like “Kucch Toh Hai”…. Like six friends, six different lives and one mistake… and their lives change forever… It did not change our lives completely, but yes it had a great impact. Without giving anymore description, I try to put my emotions in these lines…

With trees turning dry and silent,
Five of us parting our ways,
Not knowing what one is up to,
I sit here to observe nature…

Eyes observing nature, but the mind does not co-operate…
It just wants to go back to the time and change everything…
Re-observing the nature, I say to myself it is of no use to think about the past now…
As the time and tide wait for none!!

Watching the contradictory trees,
One full of green leaves
and the one whose most of the leaves
had fallen apart
and the rest turning yellow…
Reminds of our contradictory hearts and minds…
One that wants to move ahead,
And one that wants to stop and change everything!!

Sunday, November 29, 2009

The Three of us. . . .

We were three friends from our childhood days. But, it was never about me, it was only the two of you, and this was from the beginning and always.
I never felt a part of you two. It was you who were a bond between us. But, even you were more bent towards her. If it were not for you, we would have never formed a trio. I was the one who was always sidelined.
For the world, we were three, but from my eyes, it was only you two. Many a times, I would feel jealous, when you two unknowingly avoided me. When we three walked together, two of you would unintentionally leave me behind and walk together hand-in-hand.
I never felt her as a good friend, though you were really a good friend. I don’t know why I couldn’t gel along well with her, may be because we never had common topics to talk upon or may be this is just a stupid reason of not having topics! There were also a few things about you, for which I hated you a lot.
But as and when we parted our ways, I got a better view of what you meant to me. I realized your worth and I hope even you understood my worth!
I am now living a completely different life than yours and when I see how people treat me, I feel all the more good about having a friend like you. That does not mean I don’t have good friends other than you! I have good company around me, but no one as good as to replace you!
Though I have completely lost the relation with her, which you have still managed to maintain, I no more feel jealous about it until and unless it is affecting my friendship with you. I also never feel like making my bond strong with new relationships and of course, also her, as I always feel, “If I couldn’t handle old relations how can I move forward to new ones?”
I know what other people think about me, but I don’t care as I know, I am not doing anything wrong and also that you trust me and you know I wont do anything wrong. Some say, I have attitude, I am not helpful, some even say, I bitch about others, some also say, I am rude enough. But you have always praised and appreciated me for whatever I do. I might be like that, but you have accepted me as I am and always supported me. I really feel it was a good decision to part ways as to realize each others worth. I just love spending time with you now, it makes me feel light. However, bad my day goes, however bad mood let it be, you make my day!! Thanks for being my friend! Just wanna say “U R PRECIOUS.”

Monday, October 12, 2009

My Identity. . . .
                    My Existence. . . .

Every thing on this earth has an identity. Right from a human being, a tree, an animal, a non-living thing like a clock or a glass also has their own identity. Identity is something for which you are known to be YOU!! Till yesterday I was living with an identity… then what brought a change??
All of a sudden I began doubting my existence; I started believing I had no identity of my own. I felt as if no one was there around me although there were many.
My identity went somewhat like:

There she is his/her daughter.
There comes his/her sister.
There she is… She is his/her friend.
There that girl, yes she is his/her cousin.
There comes she, she is his/her neighbor.
The girl there, she is my relative.

Because my brother doesn’t like me doing a certain things, when he doesn’t like me disobeying him, I feel I am not a Good Sister.

Because there are relatives who ask me to help my mother all the time in her kitchen chores, because I am unable to do that all the time, though my mother never asked me to, I feel I am not a Good Daughter.

Because my friends never feel like talking to me whenever they are in trouble, I feel I am the stupid enough to realize that I always trouble them. I am the one who has to realize that they are not going to be there for me all the time and they have their own life too… And hence I am not a Good friend!!

If I am not a good daughter, not even a good sister and definitely not a good friend… Am I still a good human being??

Where do I stand without my parents?
Or when I am not with my friends?
Am I lost somewhere, from where I can’t come back??

I feel all lost about my existence… I am a daughter, I am a sister, and I am a friend…. But where does that I come from? Who am I as a person? Why am I here? What am I doing?

When you come across such depressing thoughts, I definitely thought about talking to you, but you being busy with your own thoughts, thinking about something you had to take decision about couldn’t understand my situation..

I being the one solely responsible for handling the situation… started meditating for long. But even that didn’t help. I can’t any more handle the situation like this… this is not me…
I am a happy go lucky person with a beautiful smile and not an artificial one…

I have to back to normal very soon.
He is there to look after me but I am the one to form my own identity! This too shall pass away!! He’ll help me find way out of here…….. :) I am just waiting for him to lead!!
Searching myself, my identity which is close by but is just not noticeable.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Goldie – Part 2……

 “As the grass is greener on the other side” Goldie decided to check out the big pond, she finally started her swim in the cool water of the big pond, not realizing she’ll have to pay for swimming in the big pond! She wanted to experience the new life in the new world with beautiful surroundings, being around people who were broad minded. She started enjoying the initial days there, meeting new fishes, realizing various facts of life, enjoying new things which were exciting and fascinating, feeling the importance of being exposed to various things, etc. But here the things were different. She had nobody who would help or listen her except for a few she selected as her friends.
She was so happy or may be she wanted to show she was quite happy as it was her decision to move on to the big pond.
She kept herself busy with the big pond, so that she didn’t remember the old pond. The people in the old pond didn’t really react to what she had to say and didn’t give her any importance as before. She started belonging to the big pond where she had made a few friends who were priceless for her. But who knew that one day there would be no one for her……

        Here, the ways were too difficult. You had to pass through an examination for each and every step you take. You always feel like having someone there to guide you, feel happy for you when you achieve something, someone you could hold back to, someone to laugh with you, someone to cry with you, someone to read your eyes… Someone who belongs to you!!

        But as they say, you don’t get everything you desire… you have to swim alone, find ways for yourself and get through them!!

So, she is still in search of that someone who accepts her in spite of being unknowledgeable, and not being able to mix along well. She is searching the shark along with right directions to right paths… leading to a right way!
Hope she gets there soon……!

Friday, September 18, 2009


I am very happy today... as i gave the RJ Hunt Auditions today and am the 2nd runner up for it!!
Though it was on a very small level... i feel I've achieved something... m really happy about it.
Being always fearful from the stage, i went ahead and gave it a chance... i feel so good about it... shared it with the special people around me... and again at the end of day i have no one to talk to.................. yet there is a hope of someone kindling the light!! again that strange feeling like the last weekend which was not a usual one begins to surround me which i want to get free from...

most of the people wont relate to whatever written above but i just felt like typing it, so just did it:)
wish me luck for finals!! M scared about it.......